Confused by life

i hate feeling confused,
but it a good confused,
it makes me look at my life,
and helps me see,
what it is i would like to change,
and what is ok,
i use to avoid the hard things,
and push through the easy,
i realized,
i don't like to be challenged,
i've been challenged all of my life,
by what ppl do to me,
and by what i was given,
sometimes you just want that break,
but once you stop,
you start to lose,
everything you started to gain,
i learned that it better to just try,
than to give up completely,
on the things that matter to you,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Don't Say You Know

don't freakin say you know my pain.
do you what it like to be different?
do you know i can't do certain things?
do you know when i walk i'm in pain?
do you know sometimes i can't sleep?
what the hell?
you going to tell me you know?
at times i think i will be happy paralyze.
only because the pain can be too much.
do you know what it like to not do things?
not really if you say i'm dramatizing everything.
i don't give a hoot!
i'm in pain.
do you give a damn?
no!
because you THINK you know me.
you don't know a dang thing.
you didn't go through what i did.
so don't say you know.
because you don't know.

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Invisable

when i scream,
does anybody hear?
when i shout,
does anybody care?
people don't seem to see,
everything about me.
when we talk,
do you listen?
when i'm lonely,
would lend a hug?
do i have to be there for me?
or will you be everything i need?
when i'm scared,
will you hold me and tell me it'll be alright?
when i'm confuse,
will you be there to help me through?
tell me you be there!
when my world is filled with pain!
i'm tired of playing this game!
tell me i matter!

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Black Cloud

i sit and i cry,
just asking god why,
why put me through hurt and pain?
will it ever makes sense?

i'm sick of asking why,
but, it seem to be,
all that i do,
when life get hard,

easy way out feels so right,
but, it not what god wants,
it seem to only be what i want,
only because of what i have to go through,

to take more responsibility then most,
being more mature than some adults,
just because they can't handle their half of the deal,
all i want is for life to be,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Things that drive me wild, that you just don't know

you are driving me crazy,
one moment you are like this,
next you are like that,
i can't keep up,
but at the same time,
it's interesting because,
i'll never know,
what you will do next,
in my eyes,
i am hooked,
i love the unknown,
you keep me quessing,
oooh, i love not knowing the answer,
i love the mystery,
i float on your words,
it don't get no better,
i'll give up the fight to disagree,
but you won't win the war,
i will always be me,
that i won't change,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Who Is It For You To Tell Me What's Right For Me?

who are you to tell me who i can't be,
to tell me who i can't be with,
to tell me who is right for me,
when you don't walk in my shoes,
i'm not going to be you,
so why are you trying to turn me into you,
i have a brain, i have a mind, i know what i want,
why can't you see that?
instead you see my flaws,
what i have to change about myself,
what if i don't want to be like everybody else?
i like my weirdness and my uniqueness,
why do i have to change for you to like me?
God made me who i am for a reason,
He doesn't make mistakes,
he makes gifts to present to the world,
why should we be ashamed for who we are?

poem by Mona Martinez
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I choose to no longer be a victim of people hate

i no longer play the victim,
that no longer who i am,
i'm the girl who finds my own way,
not afraid to ask for help,
cuz it will only help me go far,

i no longer play the victim,
i can do for myself,
even when i'm injured,
i will find my way,
don't feel sorry for me,

i'm no longer the victim,
i say what's on my mind,
and bite my tongue,
when i will only create more drama,
it who i am, and who i will continue to be,

no longer a victim,
to people hating who i want to be,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Not Really Sure

you want me now,
but my mind is still lost,
of what i want,
and what i need,
you seem really nice,
but questions are coming to mind,
will you really be there,
when i need you the most?
or will you turn away,
because you want nothing to do with it?
i'm a sensitive girl,
you can't have the good part of me,
you have to like my faws,
it what makes me who i am,
nobody has the right to 'pick' me apart,
i'm human like everybody else,
i have my rights to be me,
and i don't really care,
i'm making me happy,
you accepting who i am,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Proving A Point

what do i have to prove?
that i'm worth something?
that i'm better than you say?
i thought i will help me find,
the person i've losted,
boy, was i wrong,
it's only going to make me mad,
and than only realize,
we live in a world,
that loves to judge,
but, why do people have to choose,
if we are good or not,
the answer should come from within,
shouldn't you think?
forget what people want from you,
you're not there puppet,
make life the way you want,
because we don't have to be slaves,
to a world filled with unhappiness,
so next time prue pressure becomes a b! tc#.

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poem by Mona Martinez
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You Tell Me

want to know me?
can you handle it?
i want to be me,
but, is that possible?
i can't walk much,
you tell me.
i see the world as black,
and with lots of blame.
in ways i was born,
words can't explain,
how i feel,
in a world that don't acepts
people who are different.
kind of sad.
how can you accept yourself,
when the world still use labels?
you tell me,
when will the world stop judging?
when we had enough?
call me weak,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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