You will think I'm selfish
You will think I'm selfish and a coward too.
This I can understand.
But it's not quite so true.
For choosing to take my life wasn't easy.
It's one of the hardest things I've ever done.
In the mornings sun I will have gone.
I didn't want to leave my family.
And this is what made it that bit harder.
But in the end I couldn't see another way.
I thought it would be best this way.
Life wasn't easy for me.
I felt like an outsider all the time.
Like I didnt belong.
I had struggled far to long.
I took my life with the nights last dong.
Some day I hope you'll forgive me.
But untill we meet again I'm truly sory.
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poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
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I must do it now
One Cold Rainy Night
I sit in my room out of sight
I dont mean it by slight.
I look at a bottle of Pills and a knife
Wondering which one should end my life
I no longer want a life of strife
I must do it tonight
Before Midnight
When there tucked up in bed
So they dont find me.
I learned life isn't fair
And No one Cares
I pick up the knife
My life is done
One quick slash
And In a flash I'm on the floor
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poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
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Childhood lost
Lost was my childhood.
Taken from around me from bastards who hurt me.
They were happy playing their games.
Maybe becuase it gave them fame.
All it gave me was pain.
My childhood was lost.
It was taken from me by bastards like you.
As A little girl I was always angry the teachers would say.
If only they knew the truth.
If only they knew why I had so much anger.
It was becuase my childhood was being taken from me.
I never could trust people well after that 9 times.
I hate all of you 5 bastards.
You stole my childhood.
Now later on as I grow older.
It affects me still.
I'm still angry.
My anger has never gone away.
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poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
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Looking back
Looking back to my early years.
Now I can see where the hurt began.
Why me though why me?
Looking back scares me.
Looking foward does the same.
Becuase all the pain of the years never goes away.
Its stuck in my heart,
like a tiger gets its prey.
Hate and anger floods in.
As I hate you all all the more.
Why did you rape me I ask?
But all you would do is laugh.
I can't understand how you could do that to a person.
But I feel the pain of what you did.
The pain just never seems to go.
Looking back is hard.
Looking foward is harder.
Becuase of what you did.
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poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
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Suicide my onnly way out
This is my one and only way.
Belive me I had no choice.
It was the only open door.
Im sorry.
Please forgive me.
Suicide was my only way out.
The only door that was safe.
Life and the world wasnt safe for me.
Every one was out to get me.
My loved ones some stolen.
Some loved ones taken to heaven.
Some loved ones I leave behind.
To those of you I leave behind
Im so truly sorry.
My life was a sad story.
It never did have any glory.
Bastards fucked with my head.
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poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
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Here I was begging for help I was not to get. so life now has ended.
Here I once stood.
Begging screaming for help.
Just to overcome the past.
Take responseability I was told.
Even when I told you I was going to end my life.
Put an end to my strife.
Here I was asking for help.
I didnt really want to go just yet.
But the words take responseability.
Goes over in my head.
Are you dumb or just blind.
Im hurting Im suicidal.
All you can say is take responseability.
If I could of taken responseability.
I wouldnt have begged for your help.
How the hell is that meant to help.
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poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
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Life wasn't meant for me
Life is meant for some of us.
But for me it was never meant to be.
That I had always known.
Never did I kid myself that it would be any over way.
I always knew what my fate would be.
It was planned and sealed from the start.
As I hovered over the bridge.
I knew this would be it.
My life was coming to its end.
And I was thankfull.
Becuase I couldnt bare to stay one more day.
As I jumped and hurled myself away.
It was relife not sadness.
My hart was already heavy and sad.
I met the train tracks below me.
With one hard thud,
My body hit the ground.
Only a few seconds left.
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poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
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The mask
It dosen't fit me at all very well.
But it matters not you see.
Becuase many people do not wish to see the real me.
So they turn away leaving me all alone.
Even when it obvious I am hurting.
They think if I ignore it.
All the pain will subside and go away.
But I can not ignore it.
The pain is always there.
Rape and sexual abuse
Along with depression and wanted death.
I can't ignore it.
The pain is to deep and raw.
And those who havent been through it.
How do they know how I feel.
Listen to my screams of the night.
Another nightmare.
The journey is not to end.
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poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
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In the Shadows of Darkness
In the dark bleak nights.
And the roaming shadows.
When the voices speak to me.
I no it can all bring me to my knees.
It could all be the end of me.
If it wanted to be.
I shall fight another night and day.
I see the shadows
A figure of a man.
Are these real
Or is it just in my head.
In the crisp cold of the night.
In a room 101
Im stuck in my room 101.
Shadows loom at night
Like a witch flying on a broom.
Waking me with a sudden fright.
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poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
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Now its time to say goodbye
Now its time for me to say goodbye.
To all the hatred I have known.
Time to end my pain
And leave everything all behind.
I felt my world crashing down
My world come to a hault
I no fight left
As I tryed to through another day.
Try as hard as I might
And yet still I lost.
I just couldnt win
Which no one can deny.
Now as death beckons me
My heart is heavy and sad as it sags
Guess its not all bad
My pain is about to be left behind
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poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
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