A Dirty Beast

Your endless bouts of masturbation
Will do no good to your reputation
And I have to say I do deplore
The way you piss on the toilet floor!

Don't worry, I'm not complaining
About your lack of toilet-training
But I'm sure that even Sigmund Freud
Himself would be a bit annoyed
If you didn't make it your firm intention
To curb these habits that I mention!

Please show some self-control at least
Before you get known as 'The Dirty Beast'!

poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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A Fart

Looking out at the beautiful night-sky filled with stars
I crossed my legs and gently farted.
I had a lot of beans with my evening meal
And I couldn't help it.
I suppose a lot of people would have thought it unacceptable,
But I simply farted.
I don't pretend to be a connossieur of art or beautiful things
But I do my best to respect what is
Considered pure and sacred.
I'm sorry that I farted, OK?

For God's sake, it was only a FART! ! !

poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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A Message from Afghanistan

You want to set our women free
And make us accept democracy.
Perhaps you do not understand
Our quest for a pure Islamic land.
We seek God's holiness,
But everything you do
Is filth and lies and blasphemy,
The endless lust
Of people filled with vanity!
How we detest
The glamour and the freedom of the West!
Go back to your America -
If you do not leave
We really will make sure you grieve.
The torment of hell
Awaits the hapless infidel!

poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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A Cult of Suffering

Before you tell me about all your pain,
I think it's time for me to explain
That it isn't fun to be insane! !
In fact I find it quite obscene
You indulge yourself in your sick little scene
And then make out you've something to sell
By exaggerating your private hell.
Do you see what I mean?
I never thought much of Curt Cobain
And his industry of teenage pain.
Been there, got the T-shirt,
'When I grow up I want to be a Victim, Daddy! '

poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Bent?

Something happened to me earlier today
That made me wonder if my friend is gay.
He says he loves me which I think is nice
And love between friends is never a vice,
But I must admit it's a little bit queer
When he whispers sweet nothings in my ear!
I love him too, but we don't share the same bed,
Whatever our friends or the neighbours have said.
I don't give a toss about their dirty dreams,
Love's always straight however bent it seems!

poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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An Alien's Valentine

Come be my Valentine
And make me dance with joy;
I'll give you babies, one, two, three,
A girl, an alien, and a boy.

Don't be so very nervous!
Relax, unwind, be cool!
With an IQ like an asteroid
I'm hardly your average fool.

You may think me presumptuous
But I haven't yet begun,
My astronomical fantasies
Are sexy and they're fun.

So be my Valentine
And make me dance with joy,
The stars are advantageous,
Come on now, don't be coy!

poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Care in the Community

SCARE in the community!
The psychopath is free to roam!
Grant the Public immunity
And put me back in a Mental Home!

I suppose you think you're very clever
Interfering in this way -
There are some of us who feel it will never
Be safe enough to come out and play! !

Of course, you think that you're 'enlightened',
You've 'set us free' because you 'care';
Personally I'm very frightened!
I was happier in hospital - I felt safer there! !

poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Owning Up When You've Been Found Out

When I see you tomorrow
I'd like to see your eyes leak
Sorrow,
I'd like to see your face sweat tears.

When I see you tomorrow
I'd like to hear you speak
Less proudly
And try to hide your fears.

Tomorrow,
For the first time in years
People will speak loudly
Of how you had to apologise
And brush the tears
From your eyes
In shame.
They'll understand
Why you tried to bury your head in the sand,
They'll see through your little game

[...] Read more

poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Danielle

Come live with me my sweet Danielle!
Your face is cute though your armpits smell,
I liked those other girls as well
But I'm stuck with you so what the hell!
We may even be happy - who can tell?
Come live with me my sweet Danielle!

We live in an age when anything goes
But I wish you wouldn't sit there
Picking your nose!
Come live with me my sweet Danielle,
Come live with me in my private hell -
Do as I say and take off your clothes! !

poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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A Drunkard's Downfall

In order not to cause you grief,
I'm going to turn over that same, old leaf -
Never again will I have a drink! !
But is that likely? What do you think?
Is it not in fact more probable
That you'll see me again, drunk and incapable,
Complaining that life's so unfair
And nobody will ever care
For poor little me, the saddest case
That ever was known to the human race?

The time has come! The barmaid calls!
Bacchus has got me by the balls! !

poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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