Wendy Cope's Bank Statement (in answer to her article in the Gaurdian Weekly)
Wendy Cope
You have no hope
If you think the Muse will make you rich,
You may get fame
And make your name,
But the little lady is a bitch!
Whate'er you do
When writing verse
Won't earn you any money,
The joke's on you
And what is worse
It isn't very funny.
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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All Shall Be Well?
'All shall be well
And all shall be well
And all manner of things shall be well, '
Said Mother Julian,
Which is all very well
If you're a mystic,
But how can you tell
That to someone
Who's dying of starvation?
The Road to Hell
Is paved with comforting phrases!
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Good Friday in the Village
They've garlanded Your Cross with flowers
And put it in the market place
And I have shed so many tears,
Longing so much to see Your face.
They've draped Your Cross with daffodils
But they have made me realise
It's human kind alone that kills
And only God who dies.
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Romeo
Juliet doesn't want to know
Although my name is Romeo:
'What's in a name? ' I heard her say
To somebody the other day,
I've tried so hard to make her see
That she's the only girl for me,
But it's 'cos of her, of course, I died
When she faked her goddam suicide! !
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Love Gone Wrong (A Nightmare Song and an Answer to the Evangelists)
Christ spoke to me from the gallows
And burned a hole in my heart.
He said I'd never be the same again,
I'd always feel pain.
He set me apart from my fellows.
He's nailed me to a system of belief
That brings me endless grief.
Christ speaks to me from the gallows.
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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A Green Manifesto
Is this the fruit of Evolution,
This Global Warming and Pollution?
Exterminate the Human Race!
It'll make the world a better place!
We've had enough of radiation
And nuclear waste contamination.
Let Nature once again hold sway:
Mankind has definitely had it's day!
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Therapissed Off
I've seen the laughter in your eyes
And know that really you despise
Me, though you continually pretend
To be my advocate and friend.
Well, I've got news for you:
Our cosy tete-a-tetes are through,
I'm not prepared to compromise,
To hell with you and all your lies!
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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A Schizophrenic Testimony
The only time that I got kissed
Was by Jesus the Ventriloquist
(That was the time I slashed my wrist
After seeing my psychiatrist):
They give me injections in my bum
To make me truly deaf and dumb -
No wonder I'm a religious freak
When it's His language that I speak! !
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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The Naked Truth
Morality is a disease
That brings the Faithful to their knees,
They think my bum should feel the birch
For smoking cigarettes in Church,
So I respond by being crude
And singing carols in the nude.
It makes them livid, but don't they see
I just can't stand hypocrisy! !
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Bollock Naked
'Bollock naked' is a phrase
That's calculated to amaze
Those ignorant of Geordie ways.
'Bollock naked' really means
You're standing there
Without your jeans
Or underwear,
Without a stitch, in fact.
Man or woman, parent, child,
You're 'bollock naked',
Running wild!
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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