Going Insane

lost in my head,
trying to make sense,
everything i say,
is spoke from the mind,
where is my heart?
where is the love?
world filled with hate?
will anybody ever relate?
what i hide deep inside,
is not the same that i show
on the outside,
there's a girl that confuse,
because of the life she given,
who would understand?
it a struggle in two directions,
to do things that make her happy,
or just the things that will make
other people happy,
i'm tired of fighting,
and tired of losing,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Still A Victim

aug13,2010

it has been a year later,
and i still dream of the nightmare,
everthing you said would happen,
never did because you gotten what you wanted,
to never see me again,
you never cared about how you treated me,
because it was never your problem,
you never cared about what i went through,
sometimes you laughed when it wasn't funny,
and now i'm surpose to forget?
i keep saying i don't care,
but deep down i do,
maybe because people who accepted me,
wanted me to forgive youm
when they don't understand,
that you never showed your true colors,
when you were around them,
they were blinded by who they thought you were,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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The Guy I Do Want

tell me what i want to hear,
sweet talk me,
make me fall in love,
make me think of you,
night and day,
cuz that the guy i do want,
treat me right,
and make me feel safe,
make my heart melt,
when you tell me you love me,
be all that you can be,
maybe more,
cuz that the guy i do want,
when i cry,
wipe my tears,
chase away my fears,
give me the hope,
to be all that i can,
help me feel whole,
when half of me is missing,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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My Needs

i feel i need somebody telling me,
you are strong,
i look up to you,
just to have a meaning in my life.
but, should that be all?
i'm tring to fill in this hole,
that only seem bigger,
by what people say,
by what people do,
all only bring me down,
and make me question my existance,
all coming from people you love,
can't turn away,
it's like a knife that stab you in your heart,
feeling of hopelessness,
tears that i cry,
late at night,
because i feel,
that i can no longer deal,
with this life i was given,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Nobody Gonna Do It For You

not the best day of my life,
everything seem to go wrong,
don't know what i should do,
i thought i had everything figured out,
but now that i see,
i've gotten lost along the way,
thinking of another way to go,
because the way i'm going,
seem to gets me going crazy,
making life changes are hard,
i seem to be falling apart,
because i thought i had everything together,
who knew, life is hard work?
getting what you want,
is up to you if you want it bad enough,
can't let anything hold me back,
because if it does,
who else is going to want it for me?
you can leen on people for support,
but they are not going to do the work for you.

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poem by Mona Martinez
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If Only We Wasn't Family

i know you care,
that's okay,
i didn't mean to scare you,
that wasn't the goal,
i just want to be free,
i would ask you to let me go,
but, if only i wasn't your sister,
this would be easy,
i'm sick of fighting for what i can't have,
a mother to hold,
who be there to see me grow,
maybe i just want to be closer,
i don't really know,
either way i don't like the pain,
both hurt badly at time,
but, what can you do?
can't change what you want,
life is just seeming more and more unfair,
people have a hold on you,
nobody backing down without a fight,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Make Up Your Mind! ! !

how can you say we just friends,
when at times it feels like you want more?
you dropp little hints,
am i reading them wrong?
i tell you i want varity,
you seem disapointed,
what do you want?
i told you what i wanted,
did i come on too strong?
where is that boy that use to be strong,
and tell me what's on his mind?
because i hate being stuck in the cold,
with mixed messages running through my mind,
am i stuck too far in the past,
where i don't belong?
hanging on to what we had before you left,
before my world fell apart?
is there nothing but lost hope?
or are we both afraid to take it to the next level,
and risk loosing our friendship right now?

poem by Mona Martinez
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You Gave Up, Not Me

i don't care what you do anymore,
just stop bring me down to your level,
i'm bettering myself,
when are you going to do the same?
i have a million things too,
but i get through them and then some,
why is it so hard to do the same?
time after time we start off together,
but you find all the reasons to stop,
and i keep going,
why are you soo jelious of me?
you chose to quit and i chose to keep going,
we each made a choice,
but it seem you don't like your choice,
and in the end,
you want to be where you are at,
going nowhere,
because you don't like working hard,
well, i'm done,
just don't bring me down when i start getting,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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What Am I Living For?

lost inside my mind,
where my mind racing like crazy,
with the things i need to fix,
along with the things i need to change,
nothing is right,
lost the confidence i once had,
the one i can trust is god,
to carry him in my heart,
and to believe in him to get me through,
this place we call life,
that don't come easy,

i seem to get caught,
with my mind going crazy,
and nothing making sense,
when will it get better?
when will life, have a point again?
when can i, get my life together,
where it becomes, worth living?

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poem by Mona Martinez
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My past is my demon

my demon, it haunts me everyday,
never doing what best for me,
i please others before myself,
i let it become me,
my demon,
never lets me love myself,
always telling me what not to love,
its always there when i'm turned on,
reminding me of painful memories,
i don't wish to remember,
that's my demon,
paing don't go away,
it knocks at my front door waiting to be let in,
how can i?
it what holding me back from having a life,
from trusting people,
my deamon it don't play by the rules,
if it did,
it will know it is not welcome,
but my demon is what i have to face,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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