A shadow from my past

i wonder if details matter,
it happened so long ago,
is it really important?
do i really need to know,
who and why?
you a shadow from the past,
but you haunt my mind,
just knowing part of what you did,
makes me wonder why i trusted you,
i begged not to see you,
but my begging wasn't strong enough,
not without a reason why,
so i continue to be abused,
i was scared of you,
is that the reason you remain,
being a shadow in my thoughts?
i blocked you out,
just like the pain,
no longer have a face,
but yet you remain a mystery,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Been Through Alot Not Going To Give Up Now

I look back in the past,
and i realize how i got so off track,
my life wasn't easy growing up,
been sexually abused,
got picked on for my weight,
lost my best friend,
when he moved away,
lost a friend from an accident,
we were friends for 5 years,
when i didn't see him in the hall,
i knew something was wrong,
lost my mom,
my best best friend,
who i was close to,
and was my guidence,
had an injury that tested me,
and who i was as a person,
i failed a couple of times,
but finally gotten it right,
fighting through school,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Words can't explain where it all went wrong

we surpose to be together?
so many things went wrong,
how do we fix the gap?
it wasn't you it was me,
lost in a world,
where i didn't know how to trust,
who you were,
even though deep down i knew,
i never had to ask questions,
you were always true to who you was.

it sucks i didn't trust that,
we went our own ways,
you got married,
i remained single,
it what protected me,
from getting taken advantage of sexually,
but along the way,
it only hurted both of us,
i could never be honest about stuff,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Hitting reality

girl, you been blinded,
by lies, hurt and pain,
can't you see?
this is not you,
this person you pretend to be,
in a world you use to love,
when did you become,
so afraid to live,
and be yourself?
all of this hurt,
that you carry inside of you,
it time to let it go,
be free from it,
and learn,
not all was bad,
it just shows you,
who you can trust,
and who you can't,
not everybody can be trusted,
this is a different time,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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My Support

You seem to know what I was thinking,
Before I let you in,
And yet with everything I told you,
You never turned your back.
Accepting me for all that I was,
Made me realize the person I was.
Even though times were rough,
You were always there to lend a hug,
I never thought i would make it through,
All of this hurt and pain i suffered through,
But you gave me the strength
I was lacking all along,
You always seen where I was coming from,
Before you offer your advice.
I wouldn't have gotten this far,
Without your support and love.
You were a great person to get to know.
You lend a hand when ever you could,
You were always there to talk,
There not much more I can say,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Happy Mother's Day Mom

you were more than i could've asked for,
you gave me everything plus more,
because of you,
i'm the person you wanted me to be,
even thought you not here,
i know you near,
keeping me safe,
and getting me through rough times,
i know you always there to cheer me on,
no matter what i plan on doing,
i just know,
you just more proud that i give it a chance,
because of you,
i try everyday to push through and live my life,
to make everyday the way i want,
because of you,
i realize that you were the best mother,
i couldn't ask for anyone better,
for the time we got to spend together,
is just priceless,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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What You Mean To Me

If I had to tell you what you mean to me.
I won't know know where to start,
After all I been through
You been there to help me through,
You always knew what to say,
When it was one of those days,
You told it from the heart,
When I was ready to fall apart,
You were opened to what I had to say,
And offer help any way you could,
You showed me how strong I really am,
Which help me get this far,
If I had to say how i felt about you,
You know it all will be true,
That words can't explain,
What you really mean to me,
You always knew when i needed a hug,
To help me through the day,
You always believed in me,
When I thought nobody did,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Be honest with yourself first and everything else will follow

If you ever want to move forward in life,
the first person you have to be honest with is yourself,
forget everybody around you,
because either they are with you,
or just there to hold you back,
life too short to wonder about what if's,
make mistakes but know the consequences,
life feels better when you know who's truly by your side,
and who only there for the ride,
because when times get hard,
and you need somebody to talk to,
only those people who truly love you,
will be the only ones by your side,
so live life to the fullest,
laugh your butt off along the way,
and love the people who remind you who you are,
when you start to wonder off and get lost,
but most importantly,
always be honest with yourself.

poem by Mona Martinez
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It Never Going To Work Out Between Us

you want so much from me,
but i feel like i'm doing more of the work,
what is it you want from me?
when you talk to me it when you want,
i gave to a chance to open up,
but i see this going nowhere,
we never left the friends level,
i know you repected my wishes,
when i told you i wanted to be friends,
but as soon as i did,
you were afraid to take a chance,
relationship don't have to start,
only when we hang out,
if you can't make it work long terms,
it just not going to work with me,
i like to have a life,
outside of the relationship,
not dreaming about it day and night,
until it becames all that you think about,
cuz when it ends,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Reliving My Childhood Choices

everyday we play this game,
you tell me what to do,
and i follow,
you don't even care,
to you i'm just lazy,

do you not see,
i do more than i need to,
i didn't choose to be a mother,
it was your choice,
why am i living the conseqences?

i live the parent role,
while you play the babysitter,
do you not see what is wrong?
you pay me what you want
and i ask how high when you say jump,

i didn't ask for this,
and yet i can't speak my mind,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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