Running From Yourself

life feels so great,
when you have that one person,
in your life,
that is not afraid to accept your baggage,
and tell you that it's okay,
to just be who you are,
when all of these years,
i've been running from myself,
running from being that innocent, caring, person,
i just couldn't handle being used again,
used for being myself,
it why i pretend to be somebody i'm not,
a person that can handle everything,
but behind close doors,
it's safe to fall apart and let go,
let go of everything that ever held you back,
so the next day,
you can wake up,
everything will be the way it started,
looking like life is together,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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I Have A Right To Say What I Feel, Don't Stop Me

don't you dare tell me,
that i shouldn't be acting this way,
do you know what i have been through,
or even close to what i'm going through,
i think not,
so just shut your mouth,
and don't tell me how i need to be,
i am being me,
if you don't like it,
than you really don't know me,
so just take a step back,
until you have the right to tell me,
how i should be acting,
i'm angry in ways i can't explain,
i hate and had enough of it,
you just don't know,
so until you step into my shoes,
don't pretend you know everything,
that you know what i'm going through,
becuz i can tell u now that it won't come close,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Life moves on, but the pain remains

the ppl we miss the most,
are the ppl God has taken,
it hurts like hell,
like a dagger through the heart,
but nothing can be done,

we shed the tears,
of our love ones that has passed,
life is not perfect,
it keeps moving on,
time surpose to heal the pain,

but it feels like it never does,
as the time pass around,
it's a reminder,
of what we once had,
it what makes,

day by day,
so hard to stay,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Do You Care What I've Been Through?

do you hear me when i speak?
do you care what i have to go through?
i question my existance,
from time to time,
wondering if i will be happy,
if there was no me,
it seems like a lovely plan,
because than i have no $h! t,
i'll be free from a life i don't want,
because of everything i've been through,
makes me think of my next move,
because i'm sick of getting nowhere,
and i don't feel you care,
about what i have to do,
but do you give a d@mn?
do you care i'm looking for a reason out?
i may say suicide is never the answer,
but, if it means i don't have to put up with this $h! t,
than let me be,
can't i be free?

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Mixed Emotions

you tell me i'm wrong,
i tell you to back offf! !
i'm sick of explaining,
how i'm feeling,
nothing seem to work,
just when you finally had enough,
of what life has to offer,
can tou relate?
to a life god has giving you,
most see it as a gift,
i see it as a curse,
a curse i must live,
cuz people don't want to see me go,
but, i'm losing the power to stay,
when some days are harder,
and you just don't know what to do,
except sit in your room and cut,
because there just to much emotions,
that you just can't control,
but, in the end you left with guilt,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Walking In The Shadows, Where The Path Wasn't For Me

tired of walking in the shadows,
down a path not for me,
i made a new path,

but, it was set for death,
i thought it was for me,
never seen the years i had to come,

plus everything i can be,
never felt good enough,
always thought,

it was the path for me,
finally i opened my eyes,
and stopped placing blame,

on people who mad my life,
a living hell,
woke up to find,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Feeling Of A Flashback

it's that feeling you can't explain,
that sensation you hate,
like bugs crawling on your body,
and you can't get them off,
you try to tell yourself,
that the past can't hurt you,
but it feels like you are lying,
you are trapped,
there nowhere to go,
your palms gets sweaty,
it gets hard to breath,
your body start to shake,
and slowly your mind become fuzzy,
you not sure of what's real,
nothing makes sense,
all you can do is,
sit still and try to stay calm,
it feels like you losing sense of reality,
there nothing you can really do,
the smells trigger you,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Trust Was Taken, Memories Remain

i wonder why i can't find love,
than i wonder if i will ever trust somebody enough,
to ever get close to me,
it don't seem fair,
that i'm left with bad memories,
mostly on how to truely love somebody,
but i can't change my past,
i've been trying for so long,
it just not that easy,
i can't just let it go,
like ppl want me to,
it just not that simple,
it like if i told told you to cut your arm,
yet even though it gone,
you are reminded everytime you look at it,
it the same way when i'm reminded of my past,
there are just some things i will never get back,
but it wasn't my choice to make,
yet i'm suffering from it,
life just seem so unfair,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Guys know how to lie to get what they want

you tell me i'm special,
you warm me up to you,
tell me i don't deserve that,
that i am a nice girl,
i deserve better,
and it wasn't long,
until you did the same to me,
the only difference was,
you pretended to be,
a guy that cared,
i can't lie,
i seen it coming,
seen what you wanted me for,
but yet i kept coming back,
all of your jokes you made,
were clear as day,
and yet i ignored them,
pretend it didn't bothered me,
it caught up to me,
just like it always does,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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What Happened To What We Use To Be?

why am i your last choice,
but your first choice,
when you have a problem,
how could you not see,
that i want you,
as bad as you wanted me,

maybe i was the fool,
to push you away,
because i was afraid of love,
i was afraid,
of what could of been mine,
but it was all to fast,
it seemed like we were on different pages,

you wanted sex,
and i just wanted secuerity,
what went wrong?
except for you going for a girl,
who gave you what you wanted,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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