Is There Ever A Way To Say How You Feel?
Is there ever a way,
To say how I feel,
I don’t think words can explain it,
Or that it ever will.
You were special in so many ways.
That why I miss you,
The things we use to do are gone.
Where I go wrong?
Losing everything over night.
Waking up to nothing being right.
What happened?
The pain hurt more than anything.
But, in a way I know I’m alive.
Missing everything great about you.
How do you share that with people?
I guess you can’t, they never got to meet the real thing.
I guess the closest they get is knowing me.
Damn what a shame, I want to blame.
But, know I can’t.
No matter how much you want it to be the same.
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poem by Mona Martinez
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Labels
i seem to hate labels,
that defind who i am,
you can't hide from them,
they only seem to defind you,
most of my life,
labels became a pain in the butt,
being different,
from the time i was little,
can you understand?
what it is like to be a kid,
who is different?
other kids don't understand,
why you are the way you are,
it's hard to explain,
most of the time you feel alone,
nobody want to have an open mind,
it like i'm not from here,
people seem to like you,
for all of the wrong reasons,
hard to tell who your true friends are,
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poem by Mona Martinez
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Learning How To Get Back Up
when you look into my eyes,
you will see,
i'm not the same girl,
you thought you knew,
oh no,
take a second,
and realize i'm stronger,
than the first time you seen me,
i'm a girl who grew up,
i realized that being stubborn,
was okay, just as long as you,
wasn't dealing with me,
people hate people who know,
what they want out of life,
i use to think it was a bad thing,
because you made me seem,
like i was close minded,
but, now i only see,
i knew my path in life,
i could see where i wanted to be,
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poem by Mona Martinez
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Will I Ever Be Normal?
tears flow,
cuz i can't express how i feel inside,
ppl joke,
but it only makes the pain inside worse,
nobody should have to feel this way,
torn like they don't belong in this world,
they just want to be normal,
and be accepted for all that they are,
but it feels like they still have to pretend,
to be who the world wants them to be,
at the end of the day,
tears are expose,
from trying to stay strong in front of ppl,
all day long,
it just makes you want to scream,
i can't take this anymore,
i just want a perfect life,
or at least where i can enjoy it,
but my past keep haunting me,
reminding me 'what i was good for'
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poem by Mona Martinez
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Why Me?
Why me?
Why does it seem like bad thing happen to me.
Is it wrong?
To think that I’m the only one with bad luck.
What do you do?
You want to ease the pain but, how.
Will it ever end?
It don’t seem to go anywhere.
Who will help me through?
When I’m feeling down?
Will somebody show me the damn way?
Somebody got to know.
I feel like I’m all alone.
Nobody want to admit that there’re in pain.
What the fudge that about?
Population of 1 is really not that cool.
Will anybody give a damn?
How I’m feeling?
Will anybody care?
Somewhat, but can’t understand the pain.
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poem by Mona Martinez
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Being everything else than me
it seems like family don't know who i am,
it's like they see that i changed,
they just don't like where i'm headed,
to me it feels normal,
almost like a little too normal,
a part of me feels like i'm heading down,
a simlar past that i don't like where it ended,
but totally different situation,
it feels like i'm not being truely who i am,
when i'm with a guy,
i put that mask on,
and i seem to be the girl,
they want me to be,
either way i still do my things,
to push people away,
i say things i know they don't like to hear,
i do things i know i don't like,
my actions are only based off of,
what i know that person would like,
i'm not doing anything that makes me truely happy,
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poem by Mona Martinez
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You Make Me Feel Safe
i know to you,
you probably think i can't control myself,
when it come to where my mind goes,
when we talk,
but to be trapped for so many years,
always feeling like i knew more about sex,
than the ppl around me,
i felt like an outsider,
so i learn to hide it,
growing up,
i just never felt safe to express myself sexually,
when it was accepted,
nobody treated it with care,
i never felt safe to open up,
the way i feel with you,
you make me feel safe,
because you said you won't use me for that,
i belive you and hope you true to your word,
you haven't made me doubt you yet,
and in a way,
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poem by Mona Martinez
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Secrets That Don't Need To Be In My Life Anymore
i hate these moments,
i'm so stressed out,
i don't know what to do,
plus having flashbacks on top of it,
only becuz the body remembers,
what was done to it,
can't tell what real,
it all just feels like a really bad dream,
i just want out,
everything comes to mind,
do i drink,
just to numb the pain?
do i self injure,
just to stop the intense pain?
i just want it to stop,
i don't know what to do,
every touch is a reminder,
that i didn't have a normal childhood,
no matter how hard i try,
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poem by Mona Martinez
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What is happening?
why does it feel like people starting to lie?
why can't you be up front,
even when you know it might be painful,
i perfer the truth over a lie any day,
don't lie to hide the truth,
cuz at the end of the day,
it will shine through,
don't be somebody i don't reconize,
be somebody i already know,
what is there to hide,
when i seen it all,
good and bad,
i seen it all,
unless it goes deeper than i already know,
quit hiding from me,
we suppose to be family,
why the secretcy all of a sudden,
nobody life is perfect,
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poem by Mona Martinez
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* * *
how much will you be able to understand of me?
i may play it off as the girl just like you,
but, deep under i'm dealing with my own problems,
i use to be afriad to let them show,
only because i seen it as a weakness,
but not showing how you really feeling,
is your weakness,
you critize yourself for not being perfect,
when nobody in this world really is,
why not go your own way?
forget trying to be like the cool person in school,
they only cool cuz they went there own way,
they did what they like to do,
if we were all the same,
what would we ever learn?
we are different for a reason,
the people who can understand,
what it like to be different,
can see where i'm coming from,
we try our hardest to be something,
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poem by Mona Martinez (2009)
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