Accept Me For Who I Truely Am

when will ppl start to accept me,
for who i am,
instead of who i pretend to be at times,
when are they going to see,
this is not all of me,
all that meet the eye,
there is more of me,
good and bad,
you can't just choose what you like,
and expect me to be alright,
i have feeling like everybody else,
i want to be accepted for my past,
not to feel like i have cooties,
my past is not completely who i am,
it just apart of me,
yes it makes me afraid to do things,
but it doesn't not mean,
i can't work towards them,
to make them better,
so i don't get controlled by it,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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You are changing into a person i just don't like

you act like we are together,
but you don't just say it,
i liked you playful teasing,
but it seem like you are no longer playing,
your demands have became strong,
and something seem to change,
when i looked you dead in the eye and said,
that i listen to no man,
when it comes to telling me what to do,
or what i should be doing,
it was something i ment,
and it seems like you were going to break me,
i may be a bit unsure of myself at times,
but i know what i want,
and for a man to control me,
that will never happen,
i feel like i'm to blame in some way,
like i made you become this way,
but all i have did,
was be myself,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Today My Problems Seem To Control Me

i don't really know how i'm feeling,
i guess i feel alittle numb,
i don't really care if i feel anything,
i feel like if i do feel,
things will come up,
that will be sooo hard to handle,
i don't really want that right now,
i don't need that,
everyday i wish i had normal problems,
i wonder if that boy liked me,
i wonder if i will get a A on a test,
what should i wear tomorrow?
these little things that seem soo big to others,
seem so little to me,
i'm more concerned about,
will my actions i choose today,
bring flashbacks to come flooding back?
will all of these worries,
just bring me to not even give it a try,
will i continue to fall down a hole,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Still believing lies

you told me i will never amount to nothing,
it's a lie i still believe,
i can't blame that i'm still a child,
even though at times i still feel like one,
everything that you did to me,
messed me up in more ways than i can say,
i know you didn't think twice,
about what you did to me,
you were only worried that you would get caught,
you knew it was wrong and you still did it,
now i'm left picking up the pieces,
and trying to fix my life the way i want it,
it's a struggle but i'm getting through it,
i'm still angery at what you did to me,
that would never go away,
like ppl say it will,
becuz i am reminded everytime i'm triggered,
it sad that a real man,
have to stand up and tell me,
that everything i'm going through,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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You Just Don't Understand

how well do you know the girl behind the mask?
everything you see,
is not what you get,
all the secerts she hides,
are waiting deep inside,
because people
just don't seem to care,
about all of the hardship,
that she seem to have to carry,
can you relate?
to a life that gotten harder,
would you be open enough to learn the secerts?
that are under the mask,
because what you see,
is not what you get,
what you see
may be a happy girl,
but, deep down her dreams are crushed,
can you underderstand?
that all she wants is to be normal,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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I Turn To You

when i'm feeling very low,
you are the one i turn to,
when nothing seem right,
you are the one i run to,
you know what to say,
you know how to get through to me,
if there wasn't a great person like you,
i don't know where i would be,
you open up my eyes,
and help me realize,
there is more here,
that i seem to be missing,
or just don't want to see,
but, you pull me back to earth,
when all i want to do is quit,
quit everything i have to go through,
quit my whole life,
but, you stop before,
i make a mistake,
that i know i will regret,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Torture remains

i cried myself to sleep,
3 hours later,
i still can't think of nothing else,
the torture you did to me,
you made me bow down to you,
you made me do what i didn't want to do,
i was scared of you,
a child who wanted to be loved,
becames a sexual toy instead,
what makes it worse,
you wasn't even family,
everybody had there doubts,
but you made them believe,
that you were some kind of saint,
made me feel like i don't belong,
i still feel that way until this day,
in my heart i know i'm better than just sex,
but in my mind i believe its all i'm good for,
do you know how hard it is,
to live in a world that you feel,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Understanding More About Myself

i think back and i wonder,
why my trusting is so messed up,
part of me knows the reason,
but at times it still a puzzle,
that i just can't seem to put together,
i remember things clearly,
as i have the flashbacks,
i'm learning that my memories,
are not lies,
but are truth that was hidden,
so much pain comes up,
when i think of that part of my life,
but at the same time,
it what makes me feel better about myself,
i know that i am stronger because of it,
at times when i'm in the moment,
it feels so far from the truth,
but if i continue to run from my past,
and do the things that i don't like,
i'm not really dealing with it,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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I'm trying to be open, but the past keep creeping in

i'm only human,
don't get mad,
i don't feel normal,
but i'm doing the best i can,
what you want is this perfect girl,
i don't think i will ever be her,

i'm a girl who numb her feeling,
just so i won't have to feel the pain,
the problem is not really you,
nor is it me,
i was delt a bad hand,
in this thing we call life,

i want to be what you see in me,
it just hard,
when my feelings over take my mind,
i freeze up,
but it's hiding behind my smile,
i don't let you see,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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Expressing The Way I Feel

you know, not many people make me feel the way you do,
so safe with every word that you seem to speak,
you know just what to say when i'm feeling down,
to make my day seem a lot brighter,
because of you, i question if i would of still been here,
living out my dreams, just like my mother wanted,
you showed me there was more to life, than what i was seeing, when i'm having one of thoughs days,
you show me it's okay to stop the stubborn act,
that it's okay to show you how i really feel,
with your words as confort, i was able to find the stength,
to just be who i am, because of you i found the confidence,
to be who i am, and what i can be,
because you want to know what i see?
inside of you i see this caring soul,
somebody who wants the same things out of life as me,
just to be happy and have that one person there,
who knows you and fill that space in your heart,
that nobody else can fill, because god brought us close,
there must have been a good reason,
maybe this was meant to be, god makes that one perfect person for somebody,

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poem by Mona Martinez
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