My Modest Life....[LONG; Personal; Humor]

i grew up in a modest home. the nearby country i did roam.
modest were my mom and dad. four modest siblings i also had.
geneva was a modest town. at graduation i wore a modest cap and gown.
(ok….my cap had a gold tassel. about that, please don't give me a hassle.)

then i modestly went to cornell; that i'd quit three years later who could tell?
i modestly quit my church beliefs. that there's no hell, for me i'm betting.
i became a conscientious objector and worked two years in hospital setting.
i roomed in a modest home. by foot, bike, and bus i did roam.

then i shared an apartment with brother don. i did modest jobs for modest wages.
my general appearance i think was plain. i was modest, ….not vain.
except for occasional, mild 'depression', it seemed i had not a care.
then (past twenty-five years old) i sought a partner from the sex pool more fair.

first wife (pam) was not so modest…..if by modest one means plain.
she gave birth to our modest daughter (shannon) ....... after a short labor but lots of pain.

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poem by Bri Edwards
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Thailand Visit; My Marriage: Homeward Flight

on homeward flight i sit with 'Ghee'.
an East Bay businessman is he. there's a seat between us, to SFO,
for my wife......if not to mama's she did go.

our trip to Thailand is now done.
we had minor problems....but also fun.
my nose bled (twice) and wife's knee did too,
but we saw birds and beasts (wild) not in zoo.

a seeming-endless stream of bats
over us flew like winged-rats.
a huge water lizard had lost its tail;
i hope, at catching fish, it does not fail.

we had dinner one night with Urai and Karl,
but her mom's death our future plans to visit them did snarl.
he suggested we go see go-go clubs our last night,

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6 Foot 3'......[LONG; Scary; Gross; Murder]

I'll tell you a crime story that you've never heard,
But first you'll have to promise to not spread the word.
It started many years ago on the Massachusetts coast.
Most of those who know of it are now themselves ghosts.

It is a murder story frightful and most ghastly.
If you mention it to the police they'll laugh, and YOU may be the victim, lastly.

After high school in the 60's I attended Boston College.
I went there for the social life, and to gain some more knowledge.
While there I joined a fraternity made up mostly of jocks.
Initiation week they made us attend classes with no shoes or sox.

I'm getting off the track a bit as does happen often.
I think too many drugs in the 60's caused my brain to soften.

A member of my fraternity was a B.C. basketball star;
He was scouted by the pros and it was felt he'd go far.
He was 6 foot 7 and his meals were supersized.
He was my closest friend and I enjoyed looking up at his eyes.

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My Repetitious Future....[LONG; My Life/Personal; Math]

What do I have to look forward to the rest of my fine life?
It depends, to some degree at least, on my dear wife.
If she stays alive and somehow keeps on putting up with me,
I may live twenty more years (ten more than I 'should') . We'll see.

To make the math simple let's say my years left are ten.
So how many times might I repeat things between this day and then?
I mean some of the daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly things I do.
Some are necessary and some I enjoy, but some I don't look forward to.

Sleep: Let's say 10x365x10=36,500 hours, give or take.
That's about two-fifths as many hours as I'll be awake!
How many movie DVDs watched at night from our couch?
That's 5x52x10=2600 movies we'll see. Ouch.

At only two real meals a day, that's still 7300 sittings to dine,
but with an equal number of snacks I think that I'll be fine.
And while Aki slaves to prepare about 3400 dinners
I'll be reading to us aloud from 130 novels of murder, losers, and winners.

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Why Keep On Living? ....[LONG; Personal; End-of-Life Choices]

This may not my typical poem be... because
I don't plan to use much rhyming.... you wait and see!

As my wife is away in Japan
and I hold down the fort....
watering plants, doing outdoor chores, paying bills....
I ask myself.....again...why keep living?

It's kind of a depressing question as it implies
that I don't enjoy life enough to want to keep living
or I feel there is a good reason to die.
Neither position is exactly what's in my mind.

It's not that I feel any god-commanded mandate,
or even, exactly, a human mandate to keep living....
though I have been coerced by both my daughter
and my wife to stay alive for now.

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The Rape(S) That Didn't Go As Planned......[Very Long; Lust; Humor; Drama]

When I was 22 I met a girl,17, who was very slim and pretty.
She was kind of shy and had bad breath, but once she let me touch one titty.
Except for the bad breath and shyness she was my dream girl, I swear.
In fact from that day, when I dreamt, I dreamt of her (in underwear) .

One Sunday eve I drove her quite a distance, to a place in the dark;
it was a seldom-used but well-kept San Mateo County park.
I thought ahead about my plan as we hiked on down a trail.
I had plenty of beer and a blanket. I knew my plan would not fail.

We spread out our blanket on a soft secluded patch of beach.
We each opened a can of beer and kept the rest within our reach.
I was already quite aroused but I kept it in my pants.
After 2 or 3 more beers each, we both got up to dance.

Back on the blanket once more, I decided I had waited long enough;
it was now or NEVER!
My plan was calculated, because I am so very clever.

When she was daydreaming I pulled out some gauze, and a vial of chloroform.

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The 'Body Size Advantages' Quartette.....[LONG; Human Body Size and Behavior; Humor? ]

The Advantages of Being Fat

Some may laugh when they read this title,
since for many American females (and males) slimness is an idol.
I admit a fat figure doesn't make me smile;
I'm attracted more easily, physically, to the anorexic style.
I know not all will think the same,
and some may think my thinking's lame,
but I believe it's true for both fat men and women
that in their lives less breaks they're given.

I don't mean grossly obese like a hippo,
but with REALLY BIG love handles, not just a ripple.
I myself could stand to lose some pounds.
It's not as easy as to some it sounds.

But I've taken up the task so now I must
speak of 'Advantages' of being fat. It's that or bust.:
Being fat can help anchor you in a storm,
and extra layers of fat in winter helps to keep you warm.

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Finding Oneself......... [EXTREMELY LONG; Growing Up; Relationships; Humor

Part One

When Bri was 13 and in grade 8,
he noticed classmates beginning to date.
At school (other) boys got their way with the girls with a kiss.
But Bri didn't have the urge; he thought 'what's this? '
He decided he should give it a try,
but each time he tried, the girl would cry.
Not only would she cry; she would run away and hide.
Bri felt between himself and the other boys a great divide.

Back home after school he'd seclude himself in his room and cry.
Through his mind was repeated the question 'why? ' 'Why DO they cry? Why? '

Bri was a straight A+ student with no flubs.
He played football but (except for 'Cooking') he joined not clubs.

After a few months Bri gave up (on girls) . He had NO close friends to set him right;
his parents should have known the problem, but they weren't bright.

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