Tough cat Sam returns
Tough cat Sam is restless
he wants to box again
retirement is boring he says
he misses the action and even the pain.
Jess says he's lost the plot
and he's being a grumpy old cat
although Sam maybe knocking on a bit
he can still do a hundred press ups on the mat.
He wants to fight the reigning champ
a psycho cat by the name of feral Fred
he hasn't lost a fight in years
and two poor opponents ended up dead.
But Sam has been working out
and eating lots and lots of raw fish
feral Fred has heard all about this
and says he'll grant Sam his wish.
The Feline Gazette ran the headline
that Sam is too old and must be mad
they wrote some nasty things in their paper
saying he was washed up and very sad.
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poem by Kevin Halls
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The pretty weather girl
The weather girl is cheerful and smiling
as she tells us it's rain yet again
the U.K.will be wet all of the week
but the neighbours don't care, their off to Spain.
But when your skint what does it matter
when you can't afford even a day trip
the nearest you'll get to Sun, Sea, and Sand,
is dreaming about it when your having a kip.
Still never mind you've got lots of jobs to do
while everyone is abroad in the blazing Sun
there's painting the walls and the ceiling
watching it dry is always so much fun.
And there amongst all the pile of bills
are postcards all shiny and lying on the mat
there's one from the neighbours in sunny Spain
and a couple from my mate who's gone to Montserrat.
Your looking at people stood in front of Palm Trees
another one of a beautiful bright Blue sea
but your stuck at home with a paint brush in hand
and you've just received bills for Gas and Electricity.
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poem by Kevin Halls
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In the Courts
She had been caught stealing bottles of perfume
and was a regular customer in her local Boots
the magistrate called her a professional thief
but she swore and said she didn't give two hoots.
He was known in the paper as the crazy Arsonist
as for some reason he liked to set fire to a school
when the Judge said he was a menace to the community
he just laughed at him and called him an old fool.
The paper had called her'a lady of the night'
as she liked to ply her trade on the street
it said she was a single mother of six kids
and she only did it to make ends meet.
Three armed robbers were sentenced in the Court
and they had all received Ten years apiece
but they'd lived the high life whilst on the run
and had property in Majorca, Ibiza, and Nice.
His charge was one of drink driving
but he claimed that he'd only had one or two
the Policeman said he was unsteady and slurring
but the defendant replied that was because he had Flu.
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poem by Kevin Halls
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Tea, Toast, and the Newspaper
I like reading the local daily paper
first I go to the football pages at the back
there you can keep up to date with the team
and see if the manager has finally got the sack.
Over cups of tea and slices of toast
I read about a robbery that's taken place
Four armed and dangerous men held up a security van
the Police have asked does anyone recognise this face?
Then I like to have a go at the tricky crossword
and now and again I've managed to fill it in
but most of the time it's far too difficult
and as for the Sudoku I wouldn't know how to begin.
But I always ignore the Read Your Stars column
as I reckon it's just a dodgy con trick
the Astrologer says your going to be out and about
but your in bed with the Flu and feeling sick.
I guess to some this sounds a bit morbid
but I like to see who's sadly passed away
so I check out the In Sympathy Page
anyway I'll be on it myself one day.
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poem by Kevin Halls
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Tense And Nervous At The Match
Massive game today
butterflies in my stomach
can feel my heart beating
beads of sweat on my brow.
But I'm not even playing
I'm just a loyal supporter
but we need the win so much
a fan who loves his football club.
The referee has blown his whistle
our fans are singing and chanting
the away fans are singing as well
they need three points as much as us.
The game is swinging to and fro
they have hit the post and so have we
then with five minutes till half time
they are awarded a dodgy penalty.
Our keeper tries to put the taker off
he jumps up and down on his line
he strikes it hard to the goalies left
the keeper alas dives to his right instead.
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poem by Kevin Halls
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