Locked

When its dark and silent it still gets to me.
Nothing i can do, nothing numbing and distracting enough.

I still feel it, like i felt it from day one.
If only i would have known, that day would be the last goodbye to come.

Images i have plenty... stuck in my head.
Created from imagination, born out of my crying heart.

I can't deny what i feel, not forever.
But what i feel keeps me locked in chains forever.

poem by Lucas eman
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Images of yesterday...

Things aren't allright, i'm not really fine.
Said a thousand times over and over...
I'm not ok, not allright...
But who listens anyway.
You took my dream away.

Moments we live in, moments of now... so quikly pass to fractions of memories.
That wich was then, felt like now... and now feels like never.
Life moves on they say, and so it does.
But my heart stands still ever since that day.

Images of then, hunting through my today.
Pictures complete... but without me.
I've never felt pain going so deep.
Reminding me i feel so weak.

In my mind things are undone.
We are back where we belong.
No more lifes apart but hearts as one.

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poem by Lucas eman
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Here in my heart

Another year leaves its mark on me as it nears the ending.
So many things in my head, so much to say... difficult not to get lost in a war of words.
The most painfull thing is to give up, as i said i never would.
And so i never have, not for a second.
As i would have done anything for you, as i had so often endured just about everything.
I guess i am in the wrong place, as even my home feels like a strangers place.
This shell of my life, even my skin feels like a curtain to cover the truth.
And truth is, nothing is fine or allright...
In my head things run wild, as if i'm not really here... memories and imagination still collide.
But then again, i am not really here... not really in this existence this collection of pointless seconds that fill the days.
The giving up is what kills me, the letting go wrecks me.
Letting go means the end, the end of many thigns that roll on the edge of balance between good or bad.
The life with you was my sacred ground, within that nothing could have harmed me.
Now i'm like a ghost with a forgotten voice, but i have not forgotten your voice.
No matter how many days ago all the images are like yesterday.
Almost impossible to control myself, to control my head but i must...
I must contain myself all the time, no moment to let go, every heartbeat still pumps out blood.
I'm still in a fight, but the fight kills the remaining bits of good, not much left by now.
Still trying not to give up, even though my dreams are klling me and and getting up gets harder by the day.
Just to let go for a single moment is losing, even that fraction of a second will overwhelm me and render me hopeless.

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poem by Lucas eman
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Looking Back

Did i ever have an actual chance on things?
Looking back at all the crazy things
I've had to deal with unimaginable things.
How could ever exist a fair relation based on the right reasons.
How could all of that been worth so little in the end.
What would have been without our life's encountering?
Much i wonder about that, still.

I can't find a way to look at a path infront me, only see what i left behind...
Or rather say what left me behind.
I can't think of any person or expierence in life that would hurt and dissappoint me more than you have.
Remember your night of collapsing...
It still dazzles me how one can go so far against their inner self.
Or how one can push inner thoughts and feelings so deep and force them silent.
What is real and what is it worth.

So far off place, why has it always been so easy for you?
Your entire life, wich is actually the irony.
Through dilemma's... dealing with it on such a low emotional and intelligent level.
Since ever with every emotionally dissrupting event... though plenty of chances, always easy way out.

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poem by Lucas eman
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