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Ted Sheridan

Certain Inalienable Rights

Once the curtains have all been drawn
Privately the final choice will be made
Chosen by lot and not by ballot
Racism wins in a landslide….

2008 © TS

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Retirement Plans

The religious man
may have a questionable retirement plan
However,
his devout faith in God
will always pay him the highest dividends….

2008 © T Sheridan

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Busy Signal in Heaven

A friend asked me if I believe in God
I do believe in God
That friend then asked if I believe God cares about me
I do believe that God cares about me
And you
But he just has a lot to do…

2007 © T Sheridan

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Afraid To Fear

Child of mine
Please never be afraid to fear
Fear the next book if you will
The next page or the last word
As terrifying as they may seem
But please never be afraid to fear
For it is the fear you free yourself to feel
That will serve you well

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No Flies On Yoko

We were watching the television when a fly landed on the screen
It walked across Yoko's forehead and stopped on the tip of her nose
My wife complained it was blocking her view of the show
But I didn’t kill it as it will be dead soon enough….

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Sign Of the Fish

I’m going to design and patent a fishing lure
With the face of Jesus, Mohammad, Jacob
or Gautama Buddha on the body
These lures will catch only the keepers
And to Hell with the rest of them...

2008 © T Sheridan / Mr. Wiffle Sonic Tail Lures/ 20th Anniversary

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Is There Incest in the Obama Family?

It's Saturday Night Live.....

I mean come on. It’s Chicago’s South side.
Admittedly, there is no evidence of that,
but on the other hand,
there is no convincing evidence
to the contrary and this is just one
of the lingering questions
about Senator Barrack Obama….

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Zig Zags Rolling Another One

She came home today from her vacation with an attitude
Told me she was leaving me for good
Said her love had died since she’d been gone
Now it was time for her to be moving on….
Then she asked me for the car keys and fifty bucks
Twenty five years of marriage and all she wanted
was fifty bucks and the keys to the car…
She won’t get far…

2008 © ts

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She's My $5000.00 Dollar Baby....But She Ain't Pretty

$5000.00 for every new baby born in America
They heard your promise and they will come in droves
With pregnant underbelly and ovens warm
They will come to collect their share of our wealth
The ignorant and unskilled
The poor and the down trodden
The uneducated migrant working masses
An invasion is inevitable
America is for sale
If we elect Hillary Clinton

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Looney Tunes

John McCain; Republican candidate and apparent nominee
for the Presidency of the United States of America.
John McCain sounds like Elmer Fudd when he speaks
but he looks more like Barney Rubble as he paces back and forth,
waving those stubby little arms of his up and down nervously
while hunting those crazy Wabbits…
John McCain. War hero.
Yet everything he shoots tastes like chicken….

2008 © T Sheridan

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